well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
