Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
