i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize