The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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