No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude. I can hear the air.
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