Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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