Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
