I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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