Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
