How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
