Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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