We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
