Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
