We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We need to rekindle our bromance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
