no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
