Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
