you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
