No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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