He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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