At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
