hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
