Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
