He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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