Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
