did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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