3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
