I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
