hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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