Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
