i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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