Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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