I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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