so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we should paint friendship bongs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
