It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
