So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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