I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
