Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
