every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
