Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
two words...techno handjob
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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