i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
