i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
