I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
