please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
