so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
