he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
