Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found the puke drawer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
