He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
