It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
