I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What a dumb baby whore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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