can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
