Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
