Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
