Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
