DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
