My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
