Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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