Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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