Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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