$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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