We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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