i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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