i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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