Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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