haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol