Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.