so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED