She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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