just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
