I didn't shave. On purpose
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
