she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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