happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
