Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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