Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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