What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
