I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
