he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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