You smell like a Billy Joel song
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
