is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
