listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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