Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
