my mouth tastes like poor choices
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
