what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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