did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
