Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
