That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
