He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
